Dooce’s Recap: Nina Drops a Piano on Courtland’s Head
Welcome to the new season of Design Star where the competition has moved back to New York CIty, what Vern Yip refers to as the “epicenter of design.” I don’t know what he’s talking about, because last I checked Jasper, Alabama was on the tip of everyone’s tongues. But I guess New York will do.
The 12 designers meet and learn about their first challenge: the white rooms.
Twelve new designers, all with varied backgrounds, some formally schooled, others who found inspiration building pig troughs (those things are darling), under pressure to impress the judges — Vern Yip, Genevieve Gorder and Candice Olson — to become host of their own TV show. And already I get the sense that Vern means business. Like, yes, the two women beside him are taller by three feet, but who’s doing the voice-over?! THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.
Spoiler Alert! If you don’t want to know what happened, please don’t click through.
Nina organizes her finds from the Asian market. Cue the umbrellas.
First competition: Each designer is paired with another designer, someone they have never met and they have to design a white-box bedroom for that person, based on their personality. Budget: $500. The catch is that it all has to be spent at an Asian market. OH MY LOLA. Is it just me, or do I sense a glut of Kimonos, umbrellas and paper lanterns? Seriously, if someone glues kimchi to a wall I may have to leave the room.
Contestants are being really friendly, but we all know how short-lived this will be given the pressure. And the fact that these people are designers. Because creative people have difficulty with the part of their brain that controls reason.
Oh, and only one hour to shop? Who made up these rules? It could take YEARS to choose a paint color. I’m not even even competing and I want to throw up. So much pressure! Do they get a massage when this is done? A hug, maybe?
Already we start to see contestants with weaknesses…. Alex forgets a pile of merchandise, and there goes half of his room. Alex, under that kind of pressure, I’d forget my own name. And oh no, Courtland is using pink paint with a faux finish. Please! No faux finishes! When has faux ever looked not faux? It just screams, “Hello! I’m not the real thing!” It grows a voice along with four legs, a spiked tail and then it crawls out of the swamp.
Emily stares.
And Emily. Oh, Emily: “I don’t do sketches, I don’t draw. I stare.” When she stares into her future, I’m thinking she’s going to see that she SHOULD HAVE DONE A SKETCH.
Julie. She didn’t hear me. No faux finishes! But there she is fauxing all over that wall.
Judges’ decisions are in and it’s time to assess the designs: Stacey’s is really hip, clean and urban. Love the saturated colors. I think it’s spot on and an excellent piece given the constraints. Her fellow designer Dan, however, put this horrifying thing over the bed. What is that? And even though Stacey says she likes it, I’m thinking my grandmother would have said to take it down, it makes her feel old and smelly.
Nina’s room: Beautiful, but remember my prophecy about geisha umbrellas? How many did she stick to that wall? I lost count because I can’t count that high. Courtland is polite about the design, but then Nina turns right around and drops a piano on Courtland’s head. His design is not bohemian enough, even though she never once mentioned that she preferred bohemian. HAHA! See? Catty! Already! Only thing missing is the sound effect of two lions biting each other’s back legs off.
Tom’s room: He packed up the Asian market, loaded it on a truck and unpacked everything in that room. All that red would make me angry. Yes, angrier than I already am. And his fellow designer Julie? Did I mention the faux paint finish? That’s all that needs to be said. Oh, one more thing: EEEEYYYUUUCK!
Alex’s room is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, given that half of it is still sitting in a pile on the floor of the market. Casey’s room is a nice break from the three before it: again, clean. Finished. Confident, saturated colors. Oh no, I think I’m getting soft on you guys! Where’s my grit? Someone hurry and spit in my cereal!
Tera’s room: my absolute favorite so far. Not only it is clean and confident, but it has so much texture and symmetry. Definitely a design that looks like it cost well over $500. Trent’s room is, well, I can’t get past the ghost he installed over the bed. It looks like Casper, except Casper is hopped up on pain killers and yelling at his cat.
Michael’s room is yet another with blue walls, but I like the eclectic arrangement of all the accessories. Casual, a little rough around the edges, livable. And then there’s Emily’s room. Oh dear. Remember that sketch she didn’t draw? It’s living with the design she didn’t execute. Don’t get me wrong, I like minimal. But the blank space in that room has the gravitational pull and personality of a black hole.
Judges have deliberated and broken them out into the top six and bottom six designers: Yay for Stacey, Tera, Nina, Casey, Michael and Dan. Best design goes to… Nina! Except, I disagree! Not enough to make a fuss, but enough to use some exclamation points!
The bottom six designers commiserate before final elimination.
Oops for the rest, whose punishment is to go back and film a host presentation for their design and then stand in judgment again. No pressure, JUST A GIANT CAMERA IN YOUR FACE. Be friendly, be relatable! Don’t mess up a line and let slip a certain word!
The judge’s evaluation of each design pretty much mirrors my own, but when I mentioned earlier that Vern means business, I HAD NO IDEA. Vern is bringing it! A side we haven’t seen! Go, Vern, go! Show those tall, blonde women who’s who! Oh, wait….
Now, I think anyone who uses a faux paint finish should end up in the bottom two, so I don’t think Emily should be standing there next to Julie in the end. Also, there’s something very adorable about Emily that comes across clearly in her host presentation. That she’s willing to poke fun at her mistakes in the video is a brilliant move on her part. It shows that she can think on her feet. And Julie’s video is just so stiff. So rehearsed and flat. That paired with the The Monumental Faux Paint Disaster of 2010, and no wonder she’s the first one sent home.
Can’t wait to see if Emily steps it up next week.
I am extremely disappointed. Design Star is not Design Star without Clive Pearse, one of the most appealing hosts on TV. Bring back the old format! What about the contestants designing their own living spaces? What about the auditions footage, good and bad? The show is supposed to be about selling TV while entertaining the audience and I feel the producers have missed the mark this year.
You have it exactly right. They tweaked the formula of the show this year, and so far it isn't looking good. Why try to fix something that isn't broken? This is not the Design Star I fell in love with 4 years ago, and for the first time I do not feel compelled to watch next week. Still, I will most likely tune in, as there is not much else to watch.
R.I.P. the old, good HGTV Design Star
I felt like they were trying to make it more like The Apprentice. Too bad that The Apprentice is horrible.
I agree! And, I would add: R.I.P. the excellent DESIGNprogramming HGTV used to have! Due to recuperating from a recent illness, I have been able to watch HGTV during the day. All I can say is, "What happened?" I don't know about you, but I simply cannot stomach another four-year-old episode of "House Hunters"! It's like the Programming Office went out to a looooong (perhaps liquid?) lunch! Perhaps the custodian was left to make the programming choices? Take your finger from the "House Hunters" button — let go, already!
I agree! Clive was an important part of the show. Now it's like "Design Star: Recession Style." Have they cut the budget so much they can't afford a host or spend some time letting the audience get to know the contestants? I'm surprised Mark Burnett wants his name attached to a show that is now a shadow of its former self. Btw, what does the winner really win? I've yet to see the past two winners on the HGTV line-up.
This is a show worth repairing – somebody send Clive an "I'm Sorry" fruit basket and a contract, bring back the old format, and follow up quickly with the winner hosting their own (tv) show.
I agree, as well, and would add I miss Clive and Lisa LaPorta, the "Designed to Sell" dream team! It is said the British have no sense of humor, but I absolutely adored the dry, witty banter between Clive and Lisa. I certainly believe Lisa has more design talent and smarts than any of the other "design teams" (although being a true Chicago girl, I like the Chicago locales [oh, I am homesick]!). Lisa truly seems to have the empathy to patiently guide stressed-out sellers through the process. Much more so than the real estate "professionals" (I hesitate to use that word), whose only function is to rip the sellers a new one. Oh, and don't get me started on how much Clive is missed by this Chicago Girl! Angela, I think the programming mavens should be forced to their knees, and made to take a lap around the Bowery. Afterward, skip the fruit basket, and send Clive a bottle of the best port and a box of the best cigars, and BEG him to come back!
Courtland better show Nina up. Courtland, WE ARE COUNTING ON YOU! P.S. Julie you are absolutely fantastic and I loved you from the start… don't give up!!
Go Courtland! Go Courtland! (but don't make enemies).
Nina is my least favorite contestant! If she by any chance wins (please, NO!), I will not watch her. What a shame.
Nina , why did she have to lie to Courtland about her taste and style? There was no reason, shame on her.
If Nina wins the whole thing I won't watch her show. She is a Witch
Who in the heck went home??? I was switching back n forth to da NBA game…smh I missed the ending.. oh and I don’t like this season cast. No personalities…
Julie
The one that thought a room full of cheap paper parasols was perfect for a man.
Sorry. I meant to say the one that won was the one that thought a room full of cheap paper parasols was perfect for a man. Feather-girl went home.
I agree about Antonio from last season. He didn't deserve to win. This season starts out pretty boring but then it can only get better, right???I want Clive back too!!!
bitch nina is the biggest
Worst episode ever. The new show format is horrible. It is way too mainstream reality show now. Are they even doing team challenges anymore? I don't like anything about the show. And I want Clive to come back. Or at least have a designated host. And the somewhat garish old studio. And the camera still shot presentation of every room. The new judge panel set up makes them seem less like judges and more like the producers' puppets. Almost all of the designers also completely sucked.
The way the judges/hosts are set up makes me think of The Apprentice. And I really don't want to think about that crappy show.
This is the very first time I have finished watching an episode of Design Star without having the feeling of "how can I wait an entire week until the next episode?". Now, I probably won't give it another thought and will probably forget to even watch. What a HORRIBLE new layout for the show! VERY anti-climatic!! Loved the old format. There is no "build up" anymore nor professionalism with Clive gone. You have taken a hit series and have assured it's demise for the next season. So long old friend!
HGTV Design Star — "Your Show Has Been Cancelled!"
Ha! Love it!
Ditto on the cancel! I stopped watching it last season because I didn't agree with the judges decisions. Well, here we go again. The biggest flub ever on their part on the first episode. You hit the nail on the head Teodor.
Tera fan club anyone?
To early yet! From the previews of next week's episode….looks like we may have our first drama queen. It could be editing though. Time will tell. Her room was nice.
I'm in!!!
ABSOLUTELY!!!! Her room was absolutely beautiful in comparison to Nina's
Yes!!!!
I am in….she has "class" and it shines through her design.
I am definitely in!
You know, if u dont like the show then just forget about posting all this "trash" and just forget about it, they did this show for the viewers and some are very appreciative…soo…
Amen sister.
We ARE the viewers. We are posting our opinions on the show. HGTV wants to know what viewers think, and we are telling them, both good and bad.
Mowgo is right. I do hope the producers of HGTV are reading this. But Douhne is right also in that one should NEVER say anything BAD about anyone. It is better to show constructive criticism w/o trashing others.
Too right!
You'll notice, however, that most of us do NOT like the new format! Are we not allowed opinions? Only allowed to comment if we're going to gush about how wonderful the show is? From what I've seen, the majority do not like the new format. Design Star is the only "reality TV" show that I have ever watched, and now it just seems like all the others, and has been ruined for me.
Emily has charm for days!!!! I hope she comes back strong next week. She just needed to tweek a few things and her room would've been fine. nothing could've helped Julie's or some others that i won't mention. at least emily's wasn't tacky.
A vacuum cleaner would have helped!