It’s episode two of Design Star, and before the credits even roll I’m having a hard time not wishing that someone would accidentally spill their beer all over Nina’s head. Because then maybe she would stop using her mouth to dig her own grave.
Also, for a second there before they flashed the name Casey on the screen, I thought Reese Witherspoon had suddenly joined Design Star. How awesome would that be? GET YER STUBBORN SELF DOWN HERE AND GET ME SOME BROCADE.
This week! The first Design Star fashion show. Contestants are challenged to design an apartment based on the design of an outfit, and among the choices are an elegant evening gown, pajamas, suits, even a wedding gown. Nina grabs the evening gown, Courtland grabs a suit, and so on, until Genevieve drops the catch: two teams. Men vs. women. And every outfit chosen by each designer has to be incorporated into the design. That’s five completely different looks per apartment… um… Design Star? I think your rules are cute and all, but I think they may have a methamphetamine problem.
The guys all agree to work as a team and then immediately the scene cuts to the women. Specifically to Nina. She almost tackles everyone to take over the group, trotting out her credentials the entire time as if she is the only one with a working brain. UGH! Can’t we all just eat popcorn, tell ghost stories and braid each other’s hair?
The guys get Alex’s choice, the dreaded wedding gown, out of the way first, and decide to create a giant white headboard, all putting their ideas into the mix. Cut to the women who seem to be working a bit better together, until Nina’s mouth is all I’M A PROFESSIONAL, A PROFESSIONAL, A PROFESSIONAL, and already this is turning out to be Heather Wants Nina to be Quiet blog.
The guys next get their first glimpse at conflict when Michael starts to nitpick Trent. And then nitpick Trent some more. And then he uses the phrase “doesn’t think outside the box” and I cannot take him seriously ever again.
Tera decides that the inspiration for her part of the room is going to be the color of her outfit, and she suggests that they paint the bedroom walls yellow. Immediately the other women speak out against it, including Casey who says that color theory was one of her favorite classes in school. She describes yellow as an aggressive color, and then we cut to Tera saying, “Who cares about all this psychology crap?” Um, BROMSTAD! WHERE ARE YOU, BROMSTAD? I THINK I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CARES, TERA.
Nina then continues to punch everyone in the face to control the operation, not literally, BUT THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE, while Stacey concentrates on her chair, her only contribution to the room. Everyone else is arguing about the yellow on the walls, and what do you know? Yellow apparently does turn out to be aggressive! What was that about psychology again?
Back to the men, and Courtland is painting stripes on the wall taking a color from every outfit. Alex can’t figure out how to use the power tools, and the other guys step in and help him work it out. Team work! Only thing missing is hair that is long enough to braid. But then, as we race toward the deadline, there goes Michael! Nitpicking Trent! And Trent’s thinking, dude, I’m about to put you inside a box.
Madness ensues as they add the final touches, and then BOOM, elevator door opens and out walks a menacing Vern Yip. Out for blood! Or maybe just a well-designed room!
First up, the men’s apartment, and since this is the first time we see the whole space, I have to say that I’m stunned at how well everything pulled together. Not that I was expecting a huge mess, but that’s a space I’d love to live in. Tailored like a suit, streamlined, linear. A dining room dotted with four different and modern, iconic chairs. The bedroom takes a tiny misstep in that what should be the centerpiece of the room — the wedding dress — really isn’t represented well. Which I’m not so certain is a bad thing.
Women’s apartment: Wait, that’s the mural Nina painted as a PROFESSIONAL? Sorry, the room isn’t that bad, but I can’t get past the mural. Am I picking on Nina? Yes. Do I feel bad about that? Absolutely not. Also, I’m not a fan of the blue velvet drapes, maybe because I grew up in Memphis and Graceland has already been done. And as far as the yellow bedroom goes, I love the gray wall! Maybe because it’s being beaten in the head by the yellow walls, and I want to kiss its wounds.
Judgment is passed down…and the men’s team wins! Courtland takes home top seat. Great move on his part with those stripes. This means the women maybe should have…oh wait. What do I mean, women. This means a certain someone should have just zipped it.
And the other women are agreeing with me, calling her a bully, even to her face. And her response is basically this: If you let me bully you, then it’s your fault I’m a bully. Huh? What? In front of the judges she says, and I quote, “Because I fall into the leadership role, I think that I self-sacrificed a little bit by trying to get everybody in.”
OH NO SHE DID NOT.
And thank you, Vern, for telling her that it’s not an acceptable excuse. I knew I liked you, Vern! And the line of the night, from him to Tera who said she was inspired to paint the walls yellow because of her outfit: “It’s not about matching it. This isn’t Garanimals!”
And because there is justice in this Universe both she and Nina end up in the bottom two. Tera’s host presentation is pure Southern charm as she gives a bear hug to the mannequin wearing her outfit. Nina’s is forgettable, although it does flow well and she showcases both rooms. The judges whisper, confer and then announce that yellow is the death of Tera who has up to this point pretty much said that she was taking that decision to the grave. And as she exits, she still defends the yellow. The yellow! The yellow! Wait, I mean, the horror! The horror!