Dooce’s Recap: Nina Drops a Piano on Courtland’s Head
Welcome to the new season of Design Star where the competition has moved back to New York CIty, what Vern Yip refers to as the “epicenter of design.” I don’t know what he’s talking about, because last I checked Jasper, Alabama was on the tip of everyone’s tongues. But I guess New York will do.
The 12 designers meet and learn about their first challenge: the white rooms.
Twelve new designers, all with varied backgrounds, some formally schooled, others who found inspiration building pig troughs (those things are darling), under pressure to impress the judges — Vern Yip, Genevieve Gorder and Candice Olson — to become host of their own TV show. And already I get the sense that Vern means business. Like, yes, the two women beside him are taller by three feet, but who’s doing the voice-over?! THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.
Spoiler Alert! If you don’t want to know what happened, please don’t click through.
Nina organizes her finds from the Asian market. Cue the umbrellas.
First competition: Each designer is paired with another designer, someone they have never met and they have to design a white-box bedroom for that person, based on their personality. Budget: $500. The catch is that it all has to be spent at an Asian market. OH MY LOLA. Is it just me, or do I sense a glut of Kimonos, umbrellas and paper lanterns? Seriously, if someone glues kimchi to a wall I may have to leave the room.
Contestants are being really friendly, but we all know how short-lived this will be given the pressure. And the fact that these people are designers. Because creative people have difficulty with the part of their brain that controls reason.
Oh, and only one hour to shop? Who made up these rules? It could take YEARS to choose a paint color. I’m not even even competing and I want to throw up. So much pressure! Do they get a massage when this is done? A hug, maybe?
Already we start to see contestants with weaknesses…. Alex forgets a pile of merchandise, and there goes half of his room. Alex, under that kind of pressure, I’d forget my own name. And oh no, Courtland is using pink paint with a faux finish. Please! No faux finishes! When has faux ever looked not faux? It just screams, “Hello! I’m not the real thing!” It grows a voice along with four legs, a spiked tail and then it crawls out of the swamp.
Emily stares.
And Emily. Oh, Emily: “I don’t do sketches, I don’t draw. I stare.” When she stares into her future, I’m thinking she’s going to see that she SHOULD HAVE DONE A SKETCH.
Julie. She didn’t hear me. No faux finishes! But there she is fauxing all over that wall.
Judges’ decisions are in and it’s time to assess the designs: Stacey’s is really hip, clean and urban. Love the saturated colors. I think it’s spot on and an excellent piece given the constraints. Her fellow designer Dan, however, put this horrifying thing over the bed. What is that? And even though Stacey says she likes it, I’m thinking my grandmother would have said to take it down, it makes her feel old and smelly.
Nina’s room: Beautiful, but remember my prophecy about geisha umbrellas? How many did she stick to that wall? I lost count because I can’t count that high. Courtland is polite about the design, but then Nina turns right around and drops a piano on Courtland’s head. His design is not bohemian enough, even though she never once mentioned that she preferred bohemian. HAHA! See? Catty! Already! Only thing missing is the sound effect of two lions biting each other’s back legs off.
Tom’s room: He packed up the Asian market, loaded it on a truck and unpacked everything in that room. All that red would make me angry. Yes, angrier than I already am. And his fellow designer Julie? Did I mention the faux paint finish? That’s all that needs to be said. Oh, one more thing: EEEEYYYUUUCK!
Alex’s room is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, given that half of it is still sitting in a pile on the floor of the market. Casey’s room is a nice break from the three before it: again, clean. Finished. Confident, saturated colors. Oh no, I think I’m getting soft on you guys! Where’s my grit? Someone hurry and spit in my cereal!
Tera’s room: my absolute favorite so far. Not only it is clean and confident, but it has so much texture and symmetry. Definitely a design that looks like it cost well over $500. Trent’s room is, well, I can’t get past the ghost he installed over the bed. It looks like Casper, except Casper is hopped up on pain killers and yelling at his cat.
Michael’s room is yet another with blue walls, but I like the eclectic arrangement of all the accessories. Casual, a little rough around the edges, livable. And then there’s Emily’s room. Oh dear. Remember that sketch she didn’t draw? It’s living with the design she didn’t execute. Don’t get me wrong, I like minimal. But the blank space in that room has the gravitational pull and personality of a black hole.
Judges have deliberated and broken them out into the top six and bottom six designers: Yay for Stacey, Tera, Nina, Casey, Michael and Dan. Best design goes to… Nina! Except, I disagree! Not enough to make a fuss, but enough to use some exclamation points!
The bottom six designers commiserate before final elimination.
Oops for the rest, whose punishment is to go back and film a host presentation for their design and then stand in judgment again. No pressure, JUST A GIANT CAMERA IN YOUR FACE. Be friendly, be relatable! Don’t mess up a line and let slip a certain word!
The judge’s evaluation of each design pretty much mirrors my own, but when I mentioned earlier that Vern means business, I HAD NO IDEA. Vern is bringing it! A side we haven’t seen! Go, Vern, go! Show those tall, blonde women who’s who! Oh, wait….
Now, I think anyone who uses a faux paint finish should end up in the bottom two, so I don’t think Emily should be standing there next to Julie in the end. Also, there’s something very adorable about Emily that comes across clearly in her host presentation. That she’s willing to poke fun at her mistakes in the video is a brilliant move on her part. It shows that she can think on her feet. And Julie’s video is just so stiff. So rehearsed and flat. That paired with the The Monumental Faux Paint Disaster of 2010, and no wonder she’s the first one sent home.
Can’t wait to see if Emily steps it up next week.
You have got to be kidding me!!! Emily was horrible and she should have been the one going home….I can't believe this and I definitely will not be watching this garbage again at all this season! I am still mad from Candice and Genevieve picking Antonio last year because they had the hots for him. He could not design my dog house. This garbage show is so lame and obviously they are biased towards who they want from the beginning. Horrible show!!! By the way, bring Clive back!!!
I agree with 2 things: the show is pretty much garbage, and the hosts totally are biased
I rather agree its going to be very hard to watch this. So many commercials I lost track of what was going on. The judges are HORRIBLE!!!! I used to like all 3 of them on their shows, but boy, if this is what they really do – thumbs down. I agree – where's Clive – it was so much better then. Since when is being kind to someone a bad thing? Vern told that guy as much as, "this is a winner take all – kick your opponent in the teeth". Really a nice attitude Vern. That was pretty much the last time I'll watch.
This poster must be an imposter and competitor to the show or something – it is far too sinister and cynical. I love this show and miss Clive — so the new producer Barnett got that one wrong. However, I disagree with awarding the winning room to nina, she was horrible — sticking numerous umbrellas on a man's bedroom wall is hideous and ridiculous for any average male with taste. I am shocked and stunned that the three judges who are all so talented awarded this design to as the winner, not the least of which this finalist was the only nasty one to her partner and she deserved to be put down for that. I am disappointed that the judges did not include that in their commentary to her.
No I am not an imposter. I just sat and watched this show and it was horrible. I am still mad from last season. Also Genevieve is not a good designer, just my opinion. Candice is by far the most talented designer on HGTV but she is NOT a good judge. Vern also has talent as a designer but he is also horrible as a judge. Emily should have went home and not Julie. Neither design was good but Emily's was hideous, once again, just my opinion. Every since they picked David Bromstad, this show has gone downhill a little bit each year and Antonio is the worst, once again, just my opinion.
it seems like they were playing favorites….again like last year with antonio.
I miss Clive too, and even though I LOVED seasons 1-3 i might have to quit watching this show, and ditch it for the next food network star.
I think what saved Emily was her personality in the hosting.
I would like to have Clive back ..he adds a lot…..Emily definetly should have gone home and I still can't believe Nina won best room…parasols for a mans room, are you kidding…look like international market display window…….if she is the best this shows in big trouble… Tara's was very good and Courtlands , Trents and others….but Nina and Emily were bad, bad bad….. Candice Olsen, Genvieve Gorder and Vern Yip should not be directing the whole thing…..sure gives them to us in a different persepective…..hope next week is better…just not as excited about this one……..Have to disagree with you about Antonio…loved how be brought something so different and loved his personality and how he cares so much for his clients…his show had some great ideas would like to see more of him
Another reason they picked Antonio when Dan was the obvious choice is that Dan is too similar to David Bromstadt. By that I mean that in the eyes of the casual viewer, they may get confused. Both David and Dan have their own styles, but I bet that is what the deal was.
Are you kidding me?!?!? Antonio was the best designer by far! And he was the one who was the least like any of the designers already on HGTV. If you didn't realize that by now, YOU should go sleep in that pile of crap in your doghouse! I agree to bring Clive back, and I hated Emily's room, too, but give the chick a chance! Julie had no gift in her ugly goose feather, faux ocean paint job room! And her video, my GOD! Emily had a good video, if you saw it on the website, and she just hasn't gotten the hang of it yet! Also, the point of the CONTEST is to find the best designer and give them a show! So don't make judgments on the first show!
"Are you kidding me?!?!? Antonio was the best designer by far! And he was the one who was the least like any of the designers already on HGTV. "
I agree.
You said it, Michelle! We like Candice and Vern as hosts of their own shows, but they all seem rather school-marmish and harsh as judges, until it comes to the obvious favorites. Antonio was horrific. I wouldn't even let him into my house. Can't they find people without all those hideous tattoos? This new group of contestants seems dreadful, not that one could tell from all the idiotic assignments they've been given. Who makes up these stupid ideas? This show simply doesn't stack up next to other competition shows, such as Top Chef, Next Iron Chef or Next Food Network Star. We all know many of these industries are pretty cut-throat, but does that mean the hosts should encourage such behavior? I never appreciate contestants who toss other contestants under the bus. Nina clearly has talent, but she can be overbearing. On the other hand, many of the other contestants seem weak and whiny. I certainly wouldn't watch their shows. Dan shows some promise, but his onscreen presence needs work. I can't stand snippy, bossy, prissy Courtland, who feels like a walking cliche. Maybe Nina knew something we did not.
Emily's room was boring…but I'm so glad she didn't go home! And the winner's room was NOT the best Tera's room was absolutely the best. Sometime (most of the time) I think the hosts just have really poor taste.
I agree, Figi does not have japanese umbrella's, The room was over crowded, Figi style is minimalist. Vern you get D
I agree totally! The judges definitely got it right with the bottom two, and I'm glad they chose Julie over Emily to go home, simply because Emily had more personality. I don't have much hope for her next week, but you never know.
They REALLY missed the mark on the winner, though. What man wants a bunch of parasols taped to his walls? Come on! I would have had her in the bottom 6. Tera's room was beautiful, I think she or Michael should have won.
I agree! Tera's was my favorite by far! Out of all of those designers, she seems to be the most poised & professional, and after seeing their work, she's the only one I would hire to do a room in my home!
If you look at Tera's portfolio, it is obvious that she went to the Hobby Lobby school of design. The rooms very predictable. Three pictures over the bed and matching lamps. But at least she didn't hang those awful umbrellas everywhere.
NOOO!!! Ever since i read about the designers, Julie was my absolute favorite!! … but you know i guess Emily has some more potential in her and i am positive that the judges made a right decision of who to cast off!
I totally agree and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO also, I loved Julie, her designs that got her in the competition period were hottttt.
Horrible decision by judges. Emily designed a prison. Should've been fired. I know she may have had better presentation, but I'd rather watch Feng Shui gone wild than how to design your prison cell.
Tera will win. Woman has the instincts.
You nailed it! My first thought upon seeing Emily's room was a jail cell.
To soon to tell who will win. Many of these contestants portfolios are amazing. This season should be good.
I know. I liked several designs. I just feel that Tera has the best presence and Sarah Richardson instincts.
As for Emily, the judges are as wacky as her. I'll focus on what she did: Vapor barrier walls in prison grey on walls and floors, a single night stand piled up with something resembling crack pipes, a stool collection dish under the night stand, a centered patient pillow. It looks like a jail cell, or a cancer patient room. Just a horrible sense for life, and zero sensibility for design. She has nothing to offer.
I am not so sure about her presentation either. I thought she should never have downed herself in front of the judges. If she doesn't respect herself, how can others respect her? I truly believe one should never down her/himself. Life is hard enough. My acting teacher even said, fake it until you make it. Emily seems sweet but she needs some brain grain.
Where is Clive???? This show sucks already and I don't like ANY of the contestants…this was the most boring show from Design Star I have EVER seen…..bring back the old format ASAP!!!
I agree. The show was boring. Intensily dislike Nina. Tera's fabulous. The new format is dull. Clive is needed to add some drama, like "your show has been cancelled".
NO KIDDING! I miss Clive, he balanced out all the judges and how mean and DRY they are. That fun human element is missing! The show was so fun and fresh before. You could tell last year it was changing, but this is too far- Judge and hosts, well how fantasticly boring!
I'm not so sure about this show. last year was so painful and the winner just unbelievable. Every Time they show his face i change the channel.This year Vern is acting like Simeon Cowell. I wish he would tone it down a bit so we get it he's special but there are some of his designs i would flush down the toilet. He's acting very arrogant and condescending he really should be more helpful and giving constructive criticism instead of destroying any confidence a guest could ever endure. I guess there is always the history channel. I doubt I'll last the entire season it's just too uncomfortable to watch.
You are absolutely correct. Vern is acting like Simon Cowell, and all the judges are condescending. I was worried that when Mark Burnett took over producing the show he would ruin it, and it seems like I was right to worry.
I agree as well, I mean it is one thing to say you did not make it, but his words were harsh and mean "PLEASE LEAVE THE SHOW NOW" like excusssse me. That was so uncalled for.
I noticed the same thing about Vern last night. And, he's just too nice of a guy to pull that off. It was awkward to watch.
This write-up was HILARIOUS, and spot-on. Thanks for the yuks
They need new (younger, fresher) judges
They need contestants who are not professional designers either. Find some real raw talent. Tera has obviously got it and she has no professional training.
No professional designers? This is a design show! I like having a mix of contestants with professional and non-professional backgrounds. Keeps it interesting. I am anxious to see if Tera ( without professional training) can hold her own. So far so good!
This is a design show…they are looking for a design star to host their own show. Just because some of these contestants have more professional backgrounds doesn't mean they don't have raw talent as well. I like the mixture of professional and non-professional backgrounds. Makes it more interesting.
Right. They need not only design talent, but an interesting personality that can carry their own show.
Yes, these judges are ridiculous….
I LOVE that the first challenge was the white room! It gives the designers a chance to express themselves as individuals, much more so than a group challenge. I agree with the judges about Julie, but I liked Tera's design best. It seemed polished and finished and well thought-out. So excited for the new season! And I'm liking the new vibe to the show.
I think these judges need to take their own heads out of their butts! Tera's room was definitely the best. Nina's room did not impress me at all and the fact that she was willing to lie to the judges and say she wanted something "Bohemian Chic" when that was never mentioned to Cortland in the interview process shows her true character. I also think that it should have been Emily going home. It just didn't seem like she had any real plan of action and even she was disappointed in her own work! At least Julie had a design concept and her room did look better than Emily's even with all the goose feathers. Sorry judges, I think you made the wrong choice on this one.
I agree, Tera's room was definitely the best. Get rid of Nina fast!!!
Tera's room was the best. But I think Julie was gone the moment she put feathers on the floor. It didn't help that she wasn't that good in her video.